Theme by nostrich.
Text
I can’t seem to focus or keep my thoughts straight. I’ll let it all out now. I’m trying to kick it in to extra high gear this next 2 weeks but it feels like even that isn’t gonna be good enough. It’s so frustrating knowing that I did this and it’s all my fault that I’m where I am at this point. I could’ve done better, been better, tried harder, focused more, learned more, listened more. But, I didn’t. And I guess it’s one of those ‘live and learn’ situations. I just need to work on the learn part. I am so focused on the aftermath of this whole semester that I forget to admit that it’s not quite done yet. Then, there’s the whole college situation. I wish I would’ve done more so that I could go more. I’m beginning to realize that I want to get farther but, I don’t think I want to either. I hear so many great stories about going to school not too far away from home, but far enough. But then I hear the stories of living in a whole no place and experiencing other parts of the world while getting an education. The second set of stories soon begins to drown out the first set of equally amazing stories and experiences. I know I love Jessup. And I know I will probably really really love going there. But, I can’t help but questioning…what if God’s voice was getting mixed up with my own? What if His plan is not as clear as it seems? What if He has a whole new direction for my life, one that Jessup may not be able to lead me in? What if all of these doubts are complete distractions? I really don’t know what to do! Maybe another visit is necessary! Only God knows! Then there’s a whole different list of crazy concerns, problems, and distractions. Some that are completely unneeded…and some that are missed more than I ever thought possible. In the words of Kelly Clarkson…”I really shouldn’t miss you, but I can’t let you go!” I’m not sure why I can’t…that’s so not like me. But, God has a purpose for everything. It’s just sometimes hard to know what it is. But, He knows! I just have to keep reminding myself that God Is much better at His job than I will ever be! Well, now that I have kinda cleared my head…it’s focus time!
